In Memory

In the fight, with the integrity of an angel and the power of the lion
Deep inside is where we find our strength, In the memory of the good times and faces that help us to get through
In the struggle between mind games and long days, sad reminders that we are not home
There is no color or  grassy knolls, there are no mountains I climb for pleasure
The world looks so different from where we are
In memory keep us close
Keep your soldier a call away, your Airmen a care package closer, your Marine is sitting somewhere under the same sun
In memory take a day to observe the pain of others that provides the pleasure for many.
We are built for the fight and the struggle is a hurdle meant to be leaped over
We are the stars in the flag the stripes that color the canvas we are your American dream

It is in my walk

If you never take the time to look at yourself as others view you then you can never have an adequate interpretation of who you are. It is when you look with a critical eye at what you want, who you are, and the places you want to go that you can take the steps to get there.

In my journey to the other side of the world I could be lost in a moment. In every second of every day that I am away. Instead I took a walk. Not in the literal term of the word but mentally I have decided to take my fears for a walk, to test my faith, to understand my place. It is in my walk that I felt something, it is like being completely enveloped in love for the first time the feeling of love and spirits breaths oxygen into your blood. Or being filled with the Holy ghost and jumping out of your seat to praise. Singing with an open heart and standing in the rays of the open sun I have seen the light and not shied away. If you have read any of my other posts you would have felt a different tone. A tone of unsure and fear. I fear no more. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am where I should be. Finding myself without distraction. Sharing my experiences so that others will not feel so lonely.

It is in my walk that I will finally inspire instead of hoping to inspire. With every word chosen carefully so that all can feel the weight of my convictions and here the words of my life's story. I am not just here to exist, to have children, to work and retreat, but I am here to experience, to laugh, and share. I cannot have been more inspired by the sand and the sun then I feel right now. I will be a better person when I get home, a better wife, a better mother.

If this can happen in less then a month I am excited to see what will come of this in the end. I hope that you are too, and you find that place inside you. You face your insecurities and although we all don't have to travel 5000 miles to find ourselves we all do have to search. Wherever you are in the world. Search for the reasons that your unhappiness or fears grow and pluck it like the weed that will kill your garden. You are the keeper of your future.

Adversity

Since I have been here I have been no stranger to adversity. However it is as though adversity is always a familiar friend in every new situation. Within any environment there are going to be those who challenge every word you say and every action you take. It is what you do to respond to that adversity that will distinguish you from all others.

When someone detects a hint of hesitation or kindness even in a persons characteristics they tend to assume that this is a weakness and it is in our human nature to defeat the weak and assert our position as the Alpha. It is only when they meet that person with adversity that the true depths of their personality can be measured. We have all fallen victim to a challenge of sorts.

As I have eluded to previously I am no stranger to it. I come off as compassionate and empathetic however when someone senses that as a weakness they are soon met with my assertive and stern position of "you don't really want to go there". My confidence that I am well versed in my field and also that should I need to get spun up with the quickness I can, will, and if I choose will make it known that that pedestal they took their position on is really a bump in the road to humility.

Do not ever under estimate an opponent and meet them with adversity, you can bet that they might meet you with the same vigor and intent and you will find yourself losing at your own game.

Leadership

A fresh pair of eyes makes all the difference. People think of several rotations in an AOR may result in inconsistent production. In contrast it helps to bring a fresh pair of eyes. Different leadership styles. What might have worked will be adapted. That which is non valued added can be discarded to make way for a fresh new way of thought.

I have been given the great responsibiltyof being in a leadership position. A chance to make change, insight and inspire. I never thought that all I ever wanted to do in lifewas to make a difference. To take all my triumphs and trials in my life and bring them to the table.
Part of me is scared as heck. I wouldn't call it insecurity because I am secure in my leadership capabilities. I think all good leaders at some point look at themselves in the most scutinizing light in order to remain vigiliant on what exactly their duties are when they accept resposibility for others. Especially under such conditions.
The concern of my people and their welfare ensuring they they stay vigilant and are able to go home to their loved ones as they left them is my most important job at this point.

My conclusion is this a leader is tested at all levels. To lead is to engage, to inspire, and to grow.

Making it happen in the sand and sun.

The little things

I almost feel like I am back at basic training, remember I said almost. I have limited luxuries and have set my expectations low so as not to sike myself out. There when things go well I am always pleasantly surprised instead of disappointed. My shift is set and the gears are in motion all of the prep and now it is time to hit the ground running, I just hope that with my job responsibilities I am able to produce. You can't help but feel alittle insecure when you have been given great responsibility in trying times.
It is extremely dusty and sand finds it's way to every surface. There seems to be a constant film all over everything including my dorm. So today i bought some Pine Sol and a cloth so that I can mop, when I got in, my roomate, who by the way is wicked cool and mature. Haelleluyer I was blessed with a good roomate. She was so happy it was like I brought a box of chocolates home.

She is at the end of her tour and I the beginning of mine, and I realized that it will be the little things that make you smile. The small reminders, a scent, a picture, a phrase that brings you back to reality and though the sites outside are far from the comforts of home the smell in my dorm brings me back home after a day of cleaning.

Mothers day

It is my first mothers day away from my children and I thought it would be a lot harder but it has been ok. Don't get me wrong being without my family stings but the truth of the matter is that in my house I don't need a day that is specifically for me. It is the day to day I love you's and the kisses and hugs and constant displays whether verbal or non that reminds me that I am no less of their mother here then I am at home.

Where ever I am I am a mother. Who ever I am with I am a wife and a day in a week can never fill the constant gratitude I have for being able to have those titles.

Today is my last day in transit and I will be in my final destination within hours. Staying focused on the mission is my number one task. I wish I could sleep but my mind although I cannot pinpoint any paticular thought or feeling is racing. Falling asleep has been so difficult.

I saw a young lady returning to where I will be headed and she seemed so deeply affected about what she saw and had to deal with. When she told us of her story and experience I could tell that my friends who were not completely informed of what to expect were rattled by the information. I had to reassure them that this experience is mainly what you make of it, the other part is how you deal with it. I know I say that now but I cannot anticipate or speculate my way into a frenzy and it is not worth trying.

Until I touch down again, I am still ok, and I am making it happen!

Anywhere you are you can dance

The heat is on and it is not the temperature that is bringing it. The dance floor in the midway point has salsa in the heart and soul. The sweat is caused by the melting of stress and anxiety. What once was fear is now replaced for the time being by happiness and loss of inhibitions. For a little while I am nowhere but in my own world dancing and laughing with the girls. We don't have to worry about competition since we are all wearing the same thing and yes have that cookie don't sweat the small stuff, it will sweat itself.

In Transit

From my window seat all looked familiar. The land below us, greens, blues, browns land divided by agriculture and urban cities. The rooftops did not provide a contrast of home and where ever I am now. Swimming pools in the affluent neighborhoods all seems familiar and comfortable. As we decended from our place in the clouds I could have been anywhere in the US headed to vacation at Disney, however that was not my final destination. I reflect to the fact that the world keeps moving, those below me on the roads going about there daily lives half a world away.
Keeping things in perspective is important for me it helps me to understand that though my path is on a different course I am not to far removed from the fact that things will happen while I am away. People I love are going about their lives and it is fine. We all have a goal in mind and as long as things stay in perspective it is hard to fall of track. I am sure it will happen I would be foolish to think that my path is business as usual for anyone but it helps to stay focused.

Fast forward to my decent to my final destination and the contrast was stark. What I thought was an ocean was a sea of sand. The heat wrapped me like a closely guarded christmas present and swimming pools were a desire not a possesion. I hate to sound so cliche but where is Kansas, I would like click my heels and be there cause this is where the devils heat makes you want to pray so that you never have to return. Heaven is where air conditioners are and I am on my knees praying for that absolution. Till we meet again my friends.

There are certain events in your life that you will never forget. The birth of your first child, your wedding day, your first date. For some like me it is your first deployment. The day you get the news you made it on the list to the whole gammit of activities, paperwork and logistics that have to happen in order for you to be able to walk on the plane.
My new normal is not karate practice and baseball games. No date night with the hubs. My new normal will be what I make of it. Filled with work and focus on the positive I can make it through this , I mean it's not a life sentence just a short tour to a hot place. A couple of things I have in mind is I will take a class online see if it works for me. I would like to open a business of my own, so I will learn all I need to know to make that happen.
It is my time to figure that out. Staring down the barrel to my thirtieth birthday I have got one statement that will define my correspondence. Make it happen! Whatever it is I will make it happen. Work and mission, make it happen, plan for the next 5 years, make it happen! Be all together and available to my family now and when I return, MAKE IT HAPPEN!