Culture Network

In the sand and sun you have people from all over the world. Many of them provide a service to the troops and some of them we are sitting in their backyard. I was at the pool the other day and we were playing a game of water volleyball enjoying ourselves and decided to bring in people outside of the normal group that plays together. It is hard to go into specifics being that there are things I cannot share, but in short we were Americans they were not.

I walk around sometimes on eggshells trying not offend others cultural influences and trying to be sympathetic to there issues. It can seem frustrating but it has turned out to be very imformative and has built a new type of sensitivity I have not had before. Back to my story though, we invited them into the game and fluidly (pardon the pun) we had a game going on. We played on the same team one fight one mission, to win. We laughed and joked, we all reacted the same way when we missed a hit or goofed a serve. No difference. Of course the language is different and some things had to be acted out so that all understood, but all in all we were a team.
Listen I know that not everyone gets along and not all races,genders, nationalities merge well with each other, but what if you open yourself up to a blank page and write on it a good experience. When you go into a new interaction go without expectations or bias and encourage yourself to think positive and laugh in the process. We are not all alike but we can be different in a great way.
The fear of the unknown sets up our armor, maybe if we decide to embrace it instead of fear we can set up positive networks of diverse backgrounds to broaden our knowledge base of those around us. I am in the land where civilization is said to have been started in the Tigress-Euphraites Valley at the Ur de Chaldes.
How amazing is it that I find this place to be where cultures unite and people merge to work day in and day out next to each other where biblically civilization started and we are all attempting to be civilized. 

Relationships

In the sun and sand problems are under microscopes, a small spec of a problem is illuminated and exasperated. When at home you can find it easy to not talk , to walk away and attempt to get over it. What ever those coping mechanisms that work for you at home don't necessarily work here. Relationships have a hard time maintaining the break in routine. This is because it is not natural.

Keeping things in perspective and having someone give you a reality check helps in getting over it. Giving in to those feelings can cause you to  spiral into a depression or becoming needy and in exchange putting yourself into challenging sometimes dangerous situations. Here's what, relationships built on sand will sink, don't go away expecting it to weather the storm. Relationships built on rock that is cracked can crumble if you don't take the time to patch up the holes and cracks in your relationships.

The person back at home living their lives cannot and most likely will not stop going about their routine to wait for your call, it is easy to stay occupied back at home. Here, if you consume yourself with the what ifs and the why nots you can find yourself running circles around your mind and going nowhere.

Be honest with what it was you left behind, use your extra energy on the repair or recovery of your relationship, and surround yourself with the right people to elevate you from your state. Don't comfort your pain but let it run it's course and never look back. You and only you have the control to submerge or emerge within self pity or insecurity. Find that strength that makes you the rock you have used to anchor your life. You are not where you are by mistake or luck but rather hard work, dedication and perseverance, never let anyone take that away from you.

California King

At home I have a bed big enough to fit my whole family, and I like it that way. Today on my day off I lay alone in my twin size bunk bed recollecting memories of my childhood. How this bunk bed was a fort, a castle, the floor a moat, and I would play pretend. My imagination then was so vivid. Now all I can see is paneled walls and laquer floors in a tin can.

So I force myself to see beyond my immediate sceneary, beyond the sun and the sand and look to the california king bed in my room. When I wake up in the middle of the night and have to climb over little bodies with little feet at my chin just to make it to the bathroom. Or when I get up in the morning just before everyone else and the day breaks and I can see their cherub faces sound asleep. I remember arguing with my husband just to have some quality alone time with him and I with no kids in the bed.

But now all I can think about is those times. In the bed, with my family. I really truly have it all there in my California king and while I sleep here in my most uncommfortable twin, I find comfort in my memories. I can now sleep just a few more hours with dreams of home.

Take nothing for granted because some of the once discomforting annoying unbareable things back at home are the warmest thoughts that help you through. Half way done and almost home.

Got my Mojo working

 Yesterday was our day off and my friend and I decided we would try our hand out at some salsa dancing. She had not even ever attempted it and I had not danced it in a while. No heels or makeup, no cute outfit or blown out hair we did our best attempt at feeling good. Well it worked.

In my New Balance sneakers and PT gear I kicked up my heels and laughed, danced and joked. We were being asked to dance literally every 30 seconds between songs and worked off  our cheat day chocolate cake and cookies and cream ice cream. But I got something else out of that experience I was able to see that I could have a good time without a drink in my hand or the need to doll myself up. Truth is I am enough all by myself without any fixings, kind of like my cookies and cream ice cream, enough on the inside with no need to add anymore.

The jist of this is your beauty should start inside, you should laugh from deep in your gut and not be afraid who listens. Try it one day, being completely and utterly yourself in a position where you would normally conform. Let the true beauty of your personality illuminate the beauty you have outside by the beauty you have inside.  I assure you the glow around you will be contagious. Be not a diamond in the desert but just a diamond.

Shaken to the Core

While going through my routine, trying to find ways to enjoy myself in the sun and the sand I was reminded that in complacency is sometimes danger. The prescence of danger is always in the front of my mind and I have heard and seen those reminders from a distance. The other day it literally shook the ground beneath me. The prescence was eminent and for a second could not remind myself of the plan. Face down and heart rate up I was very much aware of my duty to stay V. Vigilant.

Isn't that then true for any one. The little missle of reality comes crashing down on your routine and you get scrambled unable to recollect what you planned in case the worst could happen. Fragile as we are we find ourselves indestructable because some of us have never been in a situation when you find that up against the elements of destruction we can fall.

Love, tragedy, loss, warfare they do not vary in there capability to have us come completely undone. The flap jacket you wear to save you from bullets is too heavy to carry so is the chip on your shoulder and the hate in your heart. Let yourself free of the armor we wear to protect ourselves and realize that sometimes it is when we least expect it that a missile will fall from no where and shake you to your core.

When that happens it is how you react, maybe immediately maybe in time but you will have to face that fear and make peace with your plan. See it through and always overcome. Strength is found inside of you in the depths of your evolution.

Peace and love from the sun and the sand

The best view is from the inside out

Every day here I learn something new. Whether it is about myself or others it is exactly what I hoped to do while here, reflect, understand and overcome. I spend a lot of my time alone not in a sad way but a way to look at myself from the inside out. Issues here mimic those of my relationships at home whether they be professional or personal. I can't get upset because it is something familiar in the most unfamiliar place.

I had a situation today where I had to reach a point I rarely go. I had to assert my authority and assume the position of a peacock on the brink, showing my colors. I apparently bring out the worst in the most unusual people. My personality clashes with a certain group of people. In my reflecting I can almost pinpoint those people in a crowd. Those who are offended by accountability, take no time to reflect on themselves and thus displace their insecurities on me, or sometimes it is simple, we clash. It is hard not to, if you have any accountability of your actions not to reflect on yourself and say what is it about me that brings that out. Am I a mirror reflecting the truth about people to themselves. Yeah I can be like that. I choose not to run around an issue and cut to the chase, I put it out there, what I expect, how I expect it done and a deadline on when I expect it done by. Hate me for the next statement but I must say...

If I were a man, would it work better for you. If I appealed to a position that a man should hold does the assertiveness just seem typical of male behavior. How is it if I say something that a man says he is tough and rough around the edges. As a women I use the exact line; I have a tone of voice. I am a Bitch, difficult, emotional. Would it make it better if I was unattractive, is that less threatening. Why should any of this be a factor in the management of people?
Try as you may to exercise this little role play? Take a female who raises her voice, calls someone out for insubordination, says the truth no exaggeration, see how that goes over on a test group. Now use a man and see what is said. I assure you the results are strikingly different.
With all that said I don't have time to play sex wars especially where I am at. If there are mommy issues I can only caress that so much. Then there comes a point where you are responsible for you. I can only control me. It is my duty to look in and analyse only myself. Evaluate what my downfalls may be and understand that simply said, we really can just all get along.
But tomorrow is a new day. There are no bad days just bad moments. Don't let the actions of the few dicatate your view on how you maybe perceived by all. If you know yourself well and tend to evolving you no one can ever stunt your growth.

Backspace

In an argument there are no second chances. When you come out and say something that is irrevocable that is exactly what it is. In text and chat you can back space your way out of hurting someone, you can see your anger and hurtful words in black and white and you have the choice to hit backspace or hit send.

In real life arguments there are no referreries telling you you are hitting below the belt or that your on the foul line. So it is up to you to make that choice. I have been reading the Bible a lot lately and there are days when I pray and say alright God guide my reading. The other day I read a passage in Proverbs Chp 15 I think it was and the long and the short of it was, when you speak evil, evil is inside you. When you act out of anger and jealousy that is what consumes you. Inside all that bad character swirls up and you speak from that. If you went to a restaurant and they put in front of you rancid meat with a side of animal waste would you eat it up. Consume it and let the disease of that animal attack your system?
That is what anger and hatred does to you. It is a disease that hates you back and others will perceive you as you are.
Since being out here I have experienced a few instances when the choice of my words hindered a conversation. It could always go both ways and those who let the anger and hatred consume them will say anything to get a rise and see you come to their anger. I didn't, I refused and alone I cried or screamed and maybe even swore like the F bomb was atomic and a mushroom cloud engulfed my area. However I did not let them see me sweat. Posed and calm I eliminated confusion by sticking to the facts and the point so as not to get lost in the forrest of angst.
The words they use are predictable triggers of an upcoming bout if you choose to enter the ring. Don't let anyone make you eat the rancid meat. Do not voluntary inject yourself with the disease.

You are better, different and smarter and those who hate on you will do anything to take you from your world to theirs.